An elderly woman walks into a plastic surgeon's office and tells him she wants a facelift. He says "Well, we have three options. The first is for $1000 and is guaranteed for one year, the second is $3000 and is guaranteed for 3 years and the last is $5000 and it is guaranteed for 5 years."
The old lady says "Well tell me about the various procedures."
The doctor says, "For $1000 I can take a few years off and smooth out your wrinkles, but you'll need to have the procedure repeated year."
"Forget that one," she says. "What about the other options?"
"For $3000," the surgeon explains, "I can do a much better job. I can take twenty years off your face, but you'll still need a touch up every three years or so."
"No, that's no good either," the woman complains. "What about the last option?"
"For $5000," the doctor replies, "you are going to get the best facelift modern medicine has to offer, with a feature that is on the cutting edge of plastic surgery technology. I'll attach a screw to the back of your head and if you notice your face sagging, you can come back in and I'll tighten the screw."
The old lady is delighted and has the surgery, but about 6 months later she returns to the office very upset. "Doctor, I want my money back!" she cries. "I look horrible! Look at these bags under my eyes!"
The doctor leans back in his chair and says, "Lady, you aren't getting anything back. Those bags under your eyes are your tits and if you keep messing with that screw, you're going to have a mustache."