Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch -- the environment hurting Bush!

--JAY LENO

President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the "War on Jobs."

--CRAIG KILBORN

The Republican Convention goes on all week, and of course, the highlight will be toward the end of the week. George Bush will show up for one day, you know, just like he did in the National Guard.

--DAVID LETTERMAN

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

--DAVID LETTERMAN

Things not looking good for President Bush. His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law!

--JAY LENO

President Bush got a little upset with a reporter for calling him 'sir' instead of 'Mr. President.' Man, how upset is he going to be after the election when they start calling him George again?

--JAY LENO

President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme -- "Safer, Stronger, and Tested." Isn't that a condom ad?

--JAY LENO

President Bush delivered a commencement speech at a university in Wisconsin. A very inspirational speech. Apparently Bush told the students, "You can do anything in life if your parents work hard enough."

--CONAN O'BRIEN

The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was "collecting his thoughts." What a time to start a new hobby!

--BILL MAHER