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Top 10 Best Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

#10

 

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#9
 

I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#8
 

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#7
 

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#6
 

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#5
 

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#4
 

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#3
 

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#2
 

I am so busy doing nothing ... that the idea of doing anything -- which as you know, always leads to something -- cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
#1
 

If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.

--JERRY SEINFELD

 
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