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Top 10 Best Kent Brockman Quotes

#10

 

Could this record-breaking heat wave be the result of the dreaded Greenhouse Effect? Well, if 70-degree days in the middle of winter are the "price" of car pollution, forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.
 
#9
 

Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be ... The Killbot Factory.

 
#8
 

Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say "No, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says "Yes" ... Marge Simpson.

 
#7
 

America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths: Billy the Kid. Bonnie and Clyde. Jesus Christ.

 
#6
 

Today, Springfield will experience a rare total eclipse of the sun. A solar eclipse is like a woman breast-feeding in a restaurant. It's free, it's beautiful, but under no circumstances should you look at it. We recommend using a homemade "camera obscura", fashioned from an ordinary shoebox and paper towel tube.

 
#5
 

Springfield will have it's first annual "Do What You Feel" festival this Saturday whenever you feel like showing up. It will be a welcome change to our "Do As We Say" festival, started by German settlers in 1946.

 
#4
 

Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. (It is labeled "Dracula.") Police are baffled.

 
#3
 

Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?

 
#2
 

Yeah, I know I'm on ... but I don't care! I don't read the news until I get my danish. Go ahead, try to find a replacement.

 
#1
 

The spacecraft has apparently been taken over "conquered" if you will by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain. There is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

 
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