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Top 10 Best Lawyer Jokes

#10

 

Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?

They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.

 
#9
 

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

It takes 300 million of them to make one human being.

 
#8
 

What's the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?

The vulture doesn't get frequent flyer miles.

 
#7
 

How do you tell if it's REALLY cold outside?

A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.

 
#6
 

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?

The bucket.

 
#5
 

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

 
#4
 

Why do pharmaceutical company laboratories now use lawyers rather than lab rats for testing?

Lab personnel don't get as emotionally attached to lawyers.
Lawyers do things rats won't.
Animal protection groups don't get nearly as excited.
Some people actually LIKE rats.

 
#3
 

Why don't snakes bite attorneys?

Professional courtesy.

 
#2
 

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.

 
#1
 

What happens when you give Viagra to a lawyer?

He gets taller!

 
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