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Top 10 Best Newt Gingrich Jokes

#10

 

During yesterday’s debate, Mitt Romney said he wasn’t a career politician, and Newt Gingrich told him to drop the "pious baloney." Of course, when Romney dropped it, Newt was like, "Hey, you gonna eat that pious baloney?"

--JIMMY FALLON

 
#9
 

Newt Gingrich knows that before he throws his giant hat into the ring, he has to explain his past positions — specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#8
 

Newt Gingrich has a new campaign slogan: 'Now hiring!' Sixteen of Gingrich's top staff quit last week, and today, two of his top fundraisers quit. He's not even president and he's already raising the unemployment rate.

--JAY LENO

 
#7
 

Newt Gingrich is so pro-marriage, he can't stop doing it. He is so morally upright, that he's only had sex after he was married. Just not always to the woman he was married to.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#6
 

It has gotten so bad in the [Republican] party that Newt Gingrich is now starting to surge, which is never good news for Mrs. Gingrich.

--BILL MAHER

 
#5
 

The candidates all have their position on the Federal Reserve. Ron Paul is anti-Fed. Mitt Romney is pro-Fed. And Newt Gingrich is over-Fed.

--JAY LENO

 
#4
 

A gay activist dumped glitter all over Newt Gingrich. He wants Newt to stop being against gay marriage. But Newt believes marriage is a sacred bond between a man and his wife and his mistress and the other woman he's seeing on the side.

--JAY LENO

 
#3
 

Newt Gingrich said he's afraid America will become an atheist country dominated by radical Islamists. Right. Our big problem could be religious atheists, almost as bad as pacifist warmongers. If they hook up with the communist capitalists we're screwed.

--JAY LENO

 
#2
 

In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, "Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance."

--CONAN O'BRIEN

 
#1
 

Everyone in the blamestream media, copyright, is saying Newt Gingrich is on the ropes. Wrong, you parasites. This man will rise again, just like the sourdough he appears to be made of.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
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