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Top 10 Best South Park Quotes

#10

 

I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.

--CARTMAN

 
#9
 

I don't want to do it if it hurts or if it makes you get all sticky.

--BUTTERS

 
#8
 

There's a time and place for everything -- and it's called college.

--CHEF

 
#7
 

You've got to hold the football like you would hold your lover. Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh, yes. Just like making sweet love to the football. Be naughty with the football. Mmmm, spank it. Ever so gently. Spank it. Oh, uh, sorry, children.

--CHEF

 
#6
 

Wow, cartoons are getting really dirty.

--STAN

 
#5
 

About 30 minutes ago I thought I saw Sigourney Weaver, but it turned out to be a dead horse.

--BUTTERS

 
#4
 

If irony was made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now.

--NEWSCASTER NED

 
#3
 

I learned somethin' today. This country was founded by some of the smartest thinkers the world has ever seen. And they knew one thing: that a truly great country can go to war, and at the same time, act like it doesn't want to. You people who are for the war, you need the protesters. Because they make the country look like it's made of sane, caring individuals. And you people who are anti-war, you need these flag-wavers, because, if our whole country was made up of nothing but soft pussy protesters, we'd get taken down in a second. That's why the founding fathers decided we should have both. It's called 'having your cake and eating it too'.

--CARTMAN

 
#2
 

Mmmmkay.

--MR. MACKEY

 
#1
 

I'm killing you, but unfortunately I could only afford a wiffle bat, so it's going to take a while ...

--CARTMAN

 
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