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Top 10 Best Stephen Colbert Quotes

#10

 

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#9
 

Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#8
 

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#7
 

Baby carrots are making me gay.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#6
 

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#5
 

It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#4
 

Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#3
 

Equations are the devil's sentences.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#2
 

Take it from me, there's nothing like a job well done, except the quiet enveloping darkness at the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam after a job done any way at all.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
#1
 

The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy's fear.

--STEPHEN COLBERT

 
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