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Top 10 Best Wife Jokes

#10

 

What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?

Forget it once.

 
#9
 

How are wives like cars?

On cold mornings, you just can't get them to turn over!

 
#8
 

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job will still suck.

 
#7
 

How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher?

When the old one expects you to "do your share".

 
#6
 

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It!

 
#5
 

A man had his credit card stolen. He decided not to report it, however, because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

 
#4
 

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying."

 
#3
 

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

 
#2
 

After 20 years of marriage, I'm developing an attachment for my wife.

It fits over her mouth.

 
#1
 

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

 
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